Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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