I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i already hear my dad disowning me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
