direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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