I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
