My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
