no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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