I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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