There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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