Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
