I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
