Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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