I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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