I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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