Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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