My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
