took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize