In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
