Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
