I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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