i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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