that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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