But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
