He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
