I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
