he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this will be a night to untag.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
