I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
