This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
