Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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