My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
