he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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