Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
