My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
