I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
