he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
