idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
