ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
