why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
