Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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