Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
