So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
