the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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