I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
