Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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