so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
