just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
