we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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