Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
