I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
