im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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