if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
