Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
