When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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