She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
