LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
