he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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