Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
