You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
