I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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