When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
