I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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