my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
