So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Alive.
So much puke
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
