I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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