I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
