Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
