Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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