dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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