Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
