I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
