I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're like the curious george of whores
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
