I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
