so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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